For some reason I seem to have bad days every now and again...

And they're always on Tuesday.

I therefore have decided that I don't like this day of the week.

I detest it more than a Monday.

I am seeking the comfort of a blank page right now to help me sort out my internal chaos. And there is far too much of it for me to contiue to grapple with fruitlessly as I have been doing all evening.

The significant others in my life - my mum, my dad, my brother, andrew, ricky, sarah, olivia, rachel, emily, chris, roz alicia....my friends, family, and boyfriend - are what make my world go round. I love them and they're what makes living so wonderful.

Despite being fortunate enough to have these people in my life, I am suffering from intense disorientation and confusion right now.

Everything in my life seems unstable and uncertain. I'm unsure which way to turn, what to do, think, feel, say, act, be...my internal compass has decided to stop working for me...admitedly it is most likely temporarily and due to a sudden build up of a number of unavoidable things.

Circumstances regarding a number of aspects of my life right now have accumulated to this feeling of lost-ness. At this very moment in time - all I need is someone to reassure me of my favourite saying "everything will be alright in the end".

But the best thing for me to do when I am inundated with negative feelings is to isolate myself away from others so I am not tempted to vent my frustrations (as I have been known to do in the past) on them. This is the last thing I wish the people i love to have to endure because of my own confusion.

I know that by the time I awake tomorrow morning I will have returned to my bubbly, postive, confident state that i am usually in. Life will go on. The world will keep spinning.

I attempt to comfort myself by asserting how self-ish I am being, brooding and stweing on my own dilemmas when there are others with their own, 10 times more serious and horrible than my own.

Reminding myself, for example, of the starving children in Africa provides little comfort - it only reminds me of the cruel reality that exists for so many. Reminding myself of the negativity in the world to try and get rid of my own negativity...yeah not going to work.

I do feel slightly relieved having written it all down. Although the answers I seek are still as evasive as ever, returning to me only more questions, I am finally settled more so than I have been all evening.

Perhaps it is the confidence that I am able to continue with life, regardless of whether my compass is functional or not, and to appreciate it as I always have done.

Smiling when I feel like doing nothing else but bursting into tears (which helps for a while =]) is something I have become very good at doing lately. Likewise, having a bad night like tonight has been, does no inhibit my ability to have a good day tomorrow.

Simply because: i won't let it.

The second night of this week,
I contemplate a while.
Search for answers that I seek,
Hold back the tears and smile...

<3 always.

Chrissy-Lee. XoXo